Just George
by Psycho Babble
Summary: What the title says


The song is 'missing' by evanescence and is put here as a kind of from Fred's POV.

_Please, please forgive me,_

_But I won't be home again._

_Maybe someday you'll look up,_

_And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:_

_"Isn't something missing?"_

I wake up and the first thing I see is the underside of the bunk bed over me. Nothing has changed since we left here, to be honest I think mum might have been afraid of what she might find if she came in here. There's still a smell of smoke in here. There's a large black mark on the wall where we almost accidently on purpose blew up Hermes testing those pellets we made. I drag myself out of the bed and go to the tiny sink in the room to wash my teeth and shave. I manage to do all this without once glancing in the mirror. I open the wardrobe and take out the black suit, shirt and tie that Bill got me. That's when I glance down.

_You won't cry for my absence, I know -_

_You forgot me long ago._

_Am I that unimportant...?_

_Am I so insignificant...?_

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?_

Eight pairs of shoes stacked side by side, two each of boots, sneakers and 'dressed up' shoes. On the rail there's some of our old clothes, two of each of course. I feel that lump in my throat again and swallow it down after a moment. I close the wardrobe with a bit more force than necessary.I dress quickly, wanting to get out of this room.

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,_

_You won't try for me, not now._

_Though I'd die to know you love me,_

_I'm all alone._

_Isn't someone missing me?_

I can hear mum calling my name, I guess everyone else is ready to go. I'm not. I don't want to do this. I don't want to have to go and have to listen to people talking about you or shake their hands while they offer their condolances. I want you back, I want you to walk into the room with a smile on your face. A smile that was so identical to my own. Everyone expects me to be a clown, to crack a joke and grin insanely. I know that you would want me to as well. But I can't, I don't have it in me anymore. The last few days I've walked around with the same look on my face. The look that I have that just tells others I don't want them to talk to me. I don't want them to tell me that it'll all be okay, that life goes on, that it will all get better. Because it won't. I feel a tear slide down my face and I angrily brush it away. I don't want to cry, if I let myself cry it will mean that you're really gone, that you're not coming back; ever. How could you leave me like that? To go on alone and pretend that life is great? It isn't. I feel hollow inside, like there's nothing left anymore. I can't do this Fred; I can't...

_Please, please, forgive me,_

_but I won't be home again._

_I know what you do to yourself,_

_I breathe deep and cry out._

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?_

Please come back, let this all just be some screwy nightmare. I'll wake up soon and you'll be here and we'll laugh about all this. There's nothing worth living for anymore. I don't want to do this by myself. I feel that lump in my throat again and this time I let myself cry. Eventually I get control of myself and stop; it's almost time to go and I don't want anyone to know I've been crying.

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed,_

_knowing you don't care._

_And if I sleep just to dream of you_

_I'll wake without you there._

_Isn't something missing,_

_Isn't something...?_

I haven't noticed until now that I'm sitting just opposite a mirror, as I look up I see my...our face. Except for the missing ear, it could be you I was looking at. I reach out one hand and gently trace the outline of my own face. Oh, god, Fred this is so hard. I shake my head, as if internally I'm denying the truth. How can it be any other way? I wasn't meant to be alone, you weren't meant to die. Mum used to scream 'Fred and George', it was always 'Fred and George'. I cry even harder, because it's not anymore. It was never meant to be only me.

"Fred and George," I whisper. It sounds so wrong now. It's not us anymore. It isn't the way it used to be.

I'm George now. Just George.

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?_


End file.
